The story of Jackson's heart...

Jesus answered, It was not this man who sinned, nor his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. - John 9:3


Where do you even start when telling this story? In the case of the above story, (if you're unfamiliar read it in John 9) Jesus started with the eternal providence of a God who is always causing occasion for the pervasive goodness of His name to be made known in the midst of an aching, skeptical, mortal world. But neither January or I have access to the inner workings of God's eternal plan. We can simply live in this plan as it unfolds. All I do know is that we faithfully prayed for Jackson while he was in the womb; that he would be well in spirit, growing to know and love Jesus, and having strong faculties in body and mind. Yet for some incomprehensible reason God chose not to answer these prayers exactly as we prayed them. To say we struggle under this reality is a gross understatement, yet in the midst of our categorical lack of understanding we trust in the infinite goodness of our God. This trust is rooted in who God is and revealed himself to be in history, in our lives, and in spite of this, it feels like a leap, naked and alone, into an imperceivable darkness.

As for the medical circumstances, Jackson was initially diagnosed with the congenital heart defect, VSD which sometimes requires a surgical repair. In Jackson's case, a repair was likely due to the size and location of the hole between the ventricles in his heart. Understandably we were devastated by this news. I cannot remember being wracked with tears before like I was, and I was so honored to have January right there sharing those bitter tears together. We just wanted our boy to be okay.

As much as Jackson's condition always lingers in our hearts, we have resolved to love this gift that God has given us. God has brought joy to January and I through our little Jack like nothing we have ever experienced. He is about as sweet as they come. Attentive, and content for the most part. He loves the ladies, and almost never passes up the opportunity to flirt (which brings a certain amount of pride to dear old dad). His laugh is infectious. And he has a funny way of sleeping face first with his little butt pointing to the ceiling; it's quite a sight! It's so amazing how the trial has not diminished our joy, it has enhanced it because we have a true sense of immediacy as to how fleeting life can be and you never get back wasted moments.

In the third week of June we had a follow up appointment with the cardiologist, where we were informed that the VSD was but one symptom of the far more complex defect called Tetralogy of Fallot (TOF). Without an open heart surgery, Jackson's prognosis is grim to say the least - by 10 years of age only about 30% of TOF patients survive without surgery; and by 40 only 5% survive on average. Consequently the surgery is necessary. This operation does carry with a higher risk factor than other infant procedures, which is of great concern to us. However, we do trust that God's healing hands will be working through Dr. Lamberti's. Upon a successful surgery, Jackson's prognosis is good, he can carry on normal activity level as a kid. He will have to keep an eye on the condition throughout his life as further complications can develop as his heart matures. However these problems, from what we understand, are treatable.

Now January and I cannot take an overly triumphalist naivety and just assume that the Lord will make everything okay the way we want him to. About 1 in 20 of these surgeries fail, costing the infant's life. Even with the 95% success rate, we have real hesitation regarding the risk. However if we do not take this risk, essentially, we have signed his death warrant. Obviously we want a miracle and believe that God works this way all the time whether through the medical process or without it and in the position we are in, beggars cannot be choosers.

How God chooses to work through Jackson's ailment is not something we can say with certainty. What we do know is that God works powerfully and miraculously in prayer because there is infinite power in the name of Jesus Christ, to who all authority is given. In spite of this, we offer Jackson to God, he is His before he is ours, and in the arms of a just, loving Father, he is given care far greater than if we foolishly took that task upon ourselves alone. Because of this we ask for your prayers as often as you think of it. And we genuinely pray that your lives will be touched by Jackson's little life before God as ours have.